Monday, November 7, 2011

My best before & after yet...


Yep! That's me! On the left & the right. So far the best before & after I have ever achieved. With that, Happy Monday everybody! *Just a quick disclaimer for today* Today is going to be a different post on Alittleglassbox....I am sharing a part of my life with you guys because we're all a blog family now. So if you aren't interested in knowing more about me or seeing tons of pictures from the past then you probably will want to ditch the blog for today (today only, haha) and come back tomorrow when I get back to some fun projects.
This time every year I am reminded of how much I love my husband. Not only because our 7 year wedding anniversary was yesterday, but because when I look back and see who we were when we first got married and who we have grown into, I am amazed that we have stayed strong together instead of pulling apart. My sweet husband knew me and loved me when I was in my worst life moment. I did not allow myself to feel and deal with pain and I just kept stuffing every emotion or insecurity that came my way down into my stomach with food. He loved me through it and made me his best friend. He supported me when I had failed my own body.
As our life grew together I realized that I needed to deal with what was "eating me alive" before I ended up on the wrong side of diabetes or with other complications of obesity. I also struggled with the fact that one day we might want kids and how would I be able to bring them into this world already weighing 299 pounds? Yep, I just put it out there. 299 pounds. That was the highest that was recorded at my Doctors office before surgery. But let me be honest, I wasn't exactly over zealous about weighing at home on my own. When the number on the scale kept growing even while trying all sorts of "diets" and running 2 miles a day (my poor knees is all I can say to that) I knew I had to do something drastic about it. So I had gastric bypass four years ago with my husband and my mom by my side. With the future me looming around & reminding me that change was a necessity. I wasn't scared of the surgery, I was actually really excited. I was more afraid of never being able to eat certain foods again, getting sick, or the idea of not recognizing who I was in the mirror throughout the process. I am sure this sounds silly...why wouldn't I want to look thinner and be healthier? The best way for me to answer that is by saying that my fat was my armor in life. Not really protecting me from anything like I had once thought.
So after surgery I held tight to who I was inside and started embracing the changes my body was going through. My husband allowed me to blossom and he changed with me. See I told you he was amazing. The process was gradual. But every day felt like a new beginning. Even losing the first 40 pounds felt amazing.
and as time moved on and I began to shed the extra pounds, I was becoming familiar with the new me.
I could finally wear real clothes from normal stores. I could walk up the stairs and not feel like I was way beyond my age. Every experience felt like it was happening for the first time. I thank God every day that this procedure worked for me and actually made my husband and I stronger than ever, instead of making us unfamiliar to one another. They prep you before surgery that this may be a possibility. Sometimes one partner become jealous with the changes or doesn't recognize their partner anymore. Scary stuff!

2.5 years later I got pregnant with Oliver. Such fantastic news and a fun adventure but torture on my weight gaining psyche. Every pound that went up on the scale felt like a personal failure. Ryan was there to rub my back and tell me I was gaining baby and not fat. He was partially right...but I appreciated his support nonetheless.
After Oliver was born I found myself needing to lose 14 pounds to get back to my lowest weight. But looking at him it didn't take me long to realize he was worth every pound gained and every pound lost before he got here.
And now I find myself 4 pounds shy of pre-baby weight and desperately wanting to get an additional 30 pounds off. I am not one to make this a new years resolution which is why I am trying to conquer this now. It is much more difficult for me to lose weight now because my body is used to a new normal and even though I still eat smaller portions and cannot eat foods like ice cream, shakes, steaks or even alcoholic drinks, my body still struggles with losing the weight.

I am sharing this with you guys to gain some motivation and inspiration to keep trying. Do any of you struggle out there? I struggle so much with the fear of getting back to 100+ pounds ago where I was so miserable and trapped in my own body. I like to surround myself with pretty things and the one thing I hated while being so over weight was the person staring back at me was not viewed as pretty. I don't ever want to be that person again. I want to teach Olly confidence and for him to be proud of his mama. This may seem like a sad story but it's really one of thankfulness and happiness and hope. I am so thankful to my friends and family who loved me before, during, and after. I am so happy that Ryan and I did this together and it made us happier together, and I am so hopeful of my life to come.


I know it may have seemed heavy for a Monday (no pun intended) but I just wanted to share the part of my past who is responsible in creating who I am now. That overweight girl was brave to dig up emotions and head strong to change her life. She created me & helped me to finally shine through.
*THANKS so much for letting me share with you guys. You all are the best.

    **update

32 comments:

  1. I am so proud of you and love you so much, Courtney! You are a very strong-willed young woman and you have done a great job masking the struggle to lose weight. You have a fantastic attitude and that will help you as you continue. You have always been beautiful in my eyes and now you are even more beautiful both inside and out! Keep up the good work and continue with your goals and you WILL get there. Lots of Love, Mom

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  2. I feel so lucky to have found this blog and to be part of the "blog family" that you've shared your personal story with! Thank you!
    Wow, what an amazing journey you and your husband have been on.

    I've found as I hit my mid 30's that my metabolism is changing and it's hard to adjust my way of eating. I look forward to the comments and any tips that are shared. And the inspiration is incredible! I love that you see your past self as the strong one who pushed you to be who you are now. You're beautiful and sharing this and putting it out there makes you even more beautiful! I thought I loved your blog before but you just took it to a whole new level:)

    Rootin' for ya!!!!!

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  3. This was the perfect post to read on this beautiful Monday morning because I have decided to get back on track with my weight loss. I am at my heaviest and feel so completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I am definitely here for you and ready and willing to tackle this together! Keep up the good work!

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  4. Thanks for such an honest post. You look amazing - you go, girl!

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  5. Love your post! I'm struggling too to get baby weight off and get back to "normal". If you find any helpful tips, suggestions would love to hear :)

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  6. Hey girl! I'm so proud of you for what you've already accomplished. You look great! I'm positive that you have re-adjusted your life in so many ways that you need not worry about gaining the 100+ that you took off initially. You're doing a great job, so keep up the good work. As far as tips go - have you tried any strength training? Body pump maybe? Even though adding muscle can sometimes add weight, it actually increases your metabolism. Just a thought! I think you look great, though. Hugs!!

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  7. Thanks so much for sharing your story! You are gorgeous, inside & out! I don't have any words of wisdom, as I could stand to shed a few pounds myself, but I do look forward to any tips and tricks that come your way!

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  8. You look GREAT!!!
    You have and are accomplishing so much and you should be so very proud of yourself.
    WAY TO GO!

    I read your blog every day and I am inspired EVERY day. and today is no different :)

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  9. So proud of you! I had the lap band and it has not been good to me. I lost 40 pounds on it the hard way and I still struggle. I gained so much weight with my 2 babies - 18mo & 3 yrs.
    Thank you for your inspiration. We live such parallel lives and my name is Courtney too!
    Keep us posted, I will do this with you!
    Courtney

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  10. THANKS so much to ALL OF YOU! You know how to make a girl feel like she has a support system. I think we are all amazing women and I am just so truly thankful for your sweet words and thoughts. I hope I can organize something that we can all participate in to do together. Thanks again! Remember I can always be reached by email for more support ;.)

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  11. WOW! You are amazing and so inspiring! I struggle every day with my weight and sometimes I forget that others had (or have) it harder then I do. Sometimes it feels like your the only one. Thank you for sharing this and showing others that's its possible to change and be a better you; not a different person, just you... Better :)

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  12. Wow! So beautiful and honest. I loved reading this. Congratulations and keep up the fantastic work. The only tip I can give is this crazy workout I've recently started...crossfit. It's super intense weight/cardio and it works. I've lost 10 lbs and my husband 25. I hadn't exercised in 5 years and I'm feeling like my old self again. But whatever you do, you have a support system here like no other. Good luck!

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  13. Dang girl! What a great job you dud! Congratulations and keep up the good work!

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  14. You look fantastic Courtney and props for sticking with your weight loss! I constantly struggle with my weight and have joined and re-joined weight watchers so many times I have lost count. I am at the heaviest I have ever weighed and am trying to get back into working out, eating healthy, etc. It's really difficult but it helps to read stories like yours and know that I am not alone! Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing and you'll get that weight off--I know it!

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  15. Awesome job, Courtney! And thank you for being so candid with us! You are beyond amazing and I have faith that you'll be able to hang on through those last few pounds you want to lose! And if all else fails, just keep in your head that you're doing it for your family..you want to be healthy so that you can grow old with them and share your wonderful life together! Way to go, girl!

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  16. I have been reading your blog for a while now and this my first comment. Thank you for sharing your story. I am getting married in May and am at my heaviest, and he has never seen me at my "normal" weight and he is crazy about me. When someone thinks you are beautiful when you think you are at your worst, he is a keeper.
    As a former athlete, I would recommend the strength training as in conjunction with cardio. Building muscle means burning more fat and it won't bulk you up if you use small weights and lots of reps. Yoga and Pilates are great for building muscle using only your own body weight. As a new mom, it might be good for you to take some classes for cardio, dance, zumba etc. Find something you like and take an hour or two a week for yourself and give daddy some one on one baby time :) I am sure you will do great!!!!

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  17. So wonderful!! You look so beautiful and thank you for having the courage to share your story. :)

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  18. Hi there, I am pretty new to your blog. I discovered you through The CSI project and I just love your stuff! So, I am a mother of 5. And it has wreaked havoc on my body in more ways than are obvious to the eye. I worked with a personal trainer for 2 years. I felt like he really helped me a lot! But I still wasn't where I had hoped to be after 2 whole years of very hard work. So I started the Live the Life Fitness program. And once I did this I started to see the changes in my body that I had hoped for so badly. Basically, it's a meal plan. The foods are very good and very simple to prepare. You eat quite a bit. In fact, at times I was stuffed so I never felt like I was being deprived of anything. For me, I loved the fact that it really wasn't a diet. It was just a plan that included fresh and healthy foods in the correct portions. Anyway, it was the only thing that helped me get off all of my baby weight after years and years of pregnancies. I wish you the best of luck! :-)

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  19. This is the first time I have ever come across your blog, & I will no be a reader each & every day. This was such a beautiful story to read & your bravery & courage is truly inspiring.
    I know other fine ladies are throwing out their ideas & advice, so I thought I might share mine as well. Two words. Hot Yoga. I am someone who has always been physically active but I'd rather pull my hair out than go to a gym. It wasn't even the problem of going to the gym, it was the 'what do I do when I am there' that plagued me. I started Hot Yoga in my city by buying a deal off of LivingSocial. Immediatley, I was hooked. Being in a room with no judgement by anyone. Women & men of all sizes & ages, all moving at their own pace. And to have an instructor push you in a positive way is truly motivating. You sweat a great deal & just release so many toxins & stress. You lose inches & become more flexable. You sleep better & crave healthier foods. It's truly an amazing experience. I recommend you at least try it.
    But whatever you do, stay motivated & stay positive just as you are! Best of luck & I can't wait to read about your progress going further!

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  20. what an inspiring story. good for you!

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  21. You ladies are so sweet and amazing. Thanks so much for sharing your stories, thoughts and tips. It means the world to me!

    You are all beautiful and awesome! Thanks for helping me to be brave and recieving me so well!

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  22. just stumbled across your blog, and im glad i did. You have a lovely home and family (and amazing sense of style)! I know it must have taken a lot to write your story here and I admire you for that! Losing all that weight has definitely helped you achieve the confidence that you deserve but your personality shines through in your before pictures as well, you seem like an amazing woman and just seeing what you have achieved, you should realize that too! That being said, you look amazing now and Im sure you are much healthier as well but look very pretty before and after! take much care!

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  23. Thanks for sharing. It is always nice to hear someone elses story to remind us we aren't alone in our struggles. Your not alone. You are inspiring!

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  24. Wow! Amazing job you have done!! You should be so proud of what you have achieved!! Unfortunately I seem to be stuck around the same weight myself, Only varying by a few kgs (Im in Australia dont know pounds sorry)& I go to the gym & try & eat well, Yet my body just doesnt seem to want to shed any extra kgs.. So no diet advice from me, But you look like your doing a great job with whatever you are doing now - Good work!

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  25. WOW good for you! I have struggled my whole life with my weight, I wish I could say until but not the case. I hope you are doing great! You should be so proud of yourself, keep fighting you are worth it!!!

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  26. WOW! Good for your and thank you for sharing!!!

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  27. Well done Courtney, behind every positive woman there is usually a similar guy. Congratulations to both of you, it's good news for Olly.

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  28. Momma McKenna is and always has been a fan and so very proud of you each and every day. Your blog is giving other people encouragement and sometimes that is exactly what is needed. I am back on track to lose a little more since I gained back a few of the pounds I lost for the wedding in October. You are my inspiration. Love you!

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  29. You look absolutely beautiful, Courtney! I am so proud of you in all of your accomplishments. You have inspired me to get back in gear with my eating healthy and exercise routines. I hope I get to see you sometime soon. Love and miss you, girl!!

    -Amanda A.

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  30. Wow!!! I just stumbled upon your blog from Unskinny Bop. I LOVE your boy's room, by the way. I'm stuggling with obesity right now, and just starting my journey to get healthy again. Thank you for being so honest and inspiring. I really, really appreciated your story.

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I love to hear your thoughts lovelies! Comment away!


 

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