Friday, December 16, 2011

Homesick & thankful...

I don't know about you guys but it doesn't even feel like a Friday today because there is such a long holiday to-do list that I have made for myself.
 I spent the day yesterday doing a little holiday shopping including making a little stop to a store I have not been to since we lived in Baltimore. All sorts of crazy emotions started coming back to me as I remembered this time of year on the East Coast. It wasn't before long that I started to realize how homesick I was for that crazy lil' place. We spent the last 6 Christmas' there and it almost feels unnatural to be somewhere else.
 I miss seeing the same lights put up across town, eating at our "normal" spots and trying out their winter menus, as well as the snow. I cannot believe I am saying that because I lived through Snowmagedon there. However, there was something comforting about it all. Who doesn't love a cozy jacket and scarf?
I think one of the things I miss the most is the glow of the tacky lit up Baltimore streets (which I mean in the most loving way). Leg lamps in the windows (you'll shoot your eye out), candle lights flickering through window panes, and hubcap Christmas art decor. Yep, this is the one time of year that Baltimore was truly alive for me.

The hubs and I used to make snow angels....

& take turns shoveling snow...I was so amazing at it...hahah just kidding. Ryan did most of the work I just tried to help to show that girls could do it too. Most of the time you could find me making hot chocolate on the stove for all of the men who were working so hard to clear our street. There was nothing like making a someone smile with a cup of hot chocolate and the lure of marshmallows.
And when we were both exhausted from our "Angeling" & our shoveling ...we ate it....
That's right, our very own homemade snow cones drizzled with cherry juice. It was simply a divine treat.
Overall, I just feel homesick for what I remember to be the norm at the holidays. I pictured spending the next few Christmas' there with our little man and it was so strange how quickly that all went up in smoke.
But let me be honest with you. As much as I miss it, I do realize that God had a plan for us and he knew what he was doing pulling us out of there. The day after Easter my husband was actually held up at gunpoint at the bus stop a few blocks away from our house. The two men demanded everything from him and after they ran off a police car drove up 20 seconds later and my husband was able to flag him down. That morning was a huge eye opener for us. The last man that had been held up in the same spot a few months before had been stabbed to death...he didn't go home to see his family that day. I had never been so excited to be woken up by my husband at 4 o'clock in the morning. A month later we found ourselves packing our life up and waving goodbye to our first home. The home that never really felt quite the same after that April morning.
I slept on a blow up mattress the night before we left in our big moving truck to move across country. We all were together in the living room because the house sat so empty and eeire. I was feeling quite anxious to get out of town. I just kept telling the hubs I felt like we shouldn't be there anymore. We were running behind schedule and I just couldn't shake an unwelcoming feeling. Right then gun shots were fired down our street. My husband and I jumped up and made sure our little boy was sleeping ok. We knew right then and there it was time to go more than ever. So we left that house and have been grateful ever since. Which is why it feels so strange to me that I miss it so much right now.
That's a big ole' truck covered in snow in front of our house
It is amazing to me how forgiving our souls can be. Even though the end of our adventure there was so dramatic and so toxic I am still able to remember the spirit of Christmas that lived there for me. It makes me sad to think of our little row house vacant and alone, all shut up on Christmas morning when just a year ago it had the warmth of our new little family of three and the hum of holidays living inside its walls. I just keep reminding myself that Point Reyes is a place of new beginnings and that our memories exist where we are. I just simply must acknowledge that our old 27th street house seeped inside my bones and will always be there. I truly feel blessed this holiday season that I do not have to be fearful of our safety and for the opportunity to enjoy the hubs being with us. I just hope that with time the holes in my heart where holiday Baltimore lived, will fill up with something else. Until then, I will appreciate that I do not have to shovel snow and that we are all together.

I hope that all of your are where you want to be this holiday season & feeling blessed just knowing that God has made a plan for you as well as me. I hope it is going to be a much lighter year, with laughter being the heaviest things on our hearts. Thanks so much for letting me vent to you about what I am feeling. You guys are amazing and I hope I did not bore you too much. I look forward to seeing you all on Monday!

Safe travels to all of you heading to be with family and have an awesome weekend!
Xo
Court

9 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!!! That is so scary! I couldnt even imagine anything like that happening to my family & if it did - I would move too!! You have done the right move for your little man & just think of all the new warmer Xmas traditions you can start with him, to enjoy for many years to come :)

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  2. I can't even imagine how hard all of that must have been for you - and I totally understand the conflicting emotions when you're remembering places like that. I'm glad you were able to get to a safer place, and I hope your Christmas this year is every bit as magical as before! :)

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  3. We have moved in the last six month too. You put beautifully into words what I feel. You have such a tender heart. I too think of my house without the joy of a happy family at Christmas. You will always have the memories of Baltimore and now of California. I wish you many happy new memories of Christmas in California!

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  4. Wow, isn't life amazing. And so wild how you can feel two ways at once. Hang on to those good memories of Baltimore and shoe away the bad. We miss our old home and recently watched old videos that showed it and our special memories there. It hurts at times to watch it. Thinking of you and wishing you a happiest of holidays. You'll make yourself a beautiful, cozy home wherever you go:)

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  5. I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your husband. But as a current Baltimore resident, I just think it's important to remind all of your readers who only know the Baltimore of "the Wire" that people get held up in every city across the country. And though Baltimore has more than its share of drugs, crime, and violence, it is more an expression of the severe poverty so many of our residents are forced to live in, and not of the character of the city.

    Thanks for letting me get my two cents in. Happy holidays!

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  6. Thanks so much everyone! And Jane I agree with you. Baltimore is such an amazing and charming city which Is why I think it still holds such a large place in my heart. I don't feel like its the wire at all, and I miss it everyday! ;.) thanks for your comment! ;.) happy holidays to you. And a huge happy holidays to all of you! ;.)

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  7. مرحبا ! نراعي شعور سكان المملكة العربية السعودية و خاصة سكان مدينة الرياض من ناحية عمليات النظافة فنحن شركة الطيب نقدم لكم اليوم افضل شركة تنظيف كنب بالرياضنعد الشركة الاولي في خدمات تنظيف الكنب الا اننا نقوم بتنظيف المجالس و الموكيت و غيرها من اشياء موجودة في المنزل نعتمد اثناء القيام بالخدمات علي افضل واحدث الاجهزة و الادوات الموجودة في الاسواق فنحن شركة الطيب افضل شركة تنظيف كنب بالرياضعزيزي العميل اذا كنت تريد شركة متميزة و بارعة في خدمات تنظيف الكنب فعليك اختيار شركة الطيب فنحن افضل شركة تقدم لك جميع خدمات المنزلية فنحن سعداء ايضا اننا نقدم لكم الراحة الكاملة لكم عملائنا الكرام نحن افضلشركة تنظيف كنب بالرياض

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