As for today I was hoping we could be girlfriends and have a little venting session. Is that ok with you kind folks?! I just wanna share with you guys...cuz y'all be my homies & you're cheaper than therapy haha. I sometimes hesitate to share this kind of "downer" type posts with you guys because I don't want you to be bored with me and think I am whining. But sometimes I feel like maybe it can give insight as to who I am and I can even connect with someone through my experiences. Let me throw out one little disclaimer to any of my husbands family members who may be reading this....I'm not trying to hurt any ones feelings. Just allowing myself to vent. So please no judgement. So now that I have prefaced it let's get to my vent-worthy issue...(if anyone is still reading this haha. I sort of hope you're not haha).
The other day one of my gal pals on good ole' facebook posted a sign that said this...
I'm heartbroken that they have never visited us in the different places we have lived. They have never celebrated a birthday with me or given us tips or advice, and here is the real heart breaker...they have never met my son.
It has just been gnawing at me lately, I'm guessing because of our upcoming trip to Texas to see all of my family. I am just so blown away by all of it because I was always the kid who went to friends houses and their parents wanted to "adopt" me. I always said yes sir, no sir and thank you. I was the girl in high school who could sit at the dining room table and gab away with their parents all night about what we were all up to in our lives. I never in a million years thought that I would be the girl who was not liked by my husbands family. And the truth is I'm tired of it. Simply pushed over the edge, pull my hair out- tired of it. For years I encouraged my hubs to have a relationship with them even though they were awful to me/us. But when we decided to get preggers and have Olly I was no longer willing to sacrifice my happiness or put my son's feeling in harms way.
I am tired of covering up how they treated us and standing by and saying nothing while everyone else in the family or in their church think we did something and that we are the disrespectful ones. I'm mad about all of it now. I'm mad that after I initially lost all of my weight my own mother in law told me how glad she was that my hubs could see past my weight on my wedding day. That destroyed my confidence for a long time. I'm mad that they visited family an hour away from where we lived in Baltimore for a weekend (when they live in Texas) but wouldn't make it by to see their own son or our very first house. I'm mad that they tricked my husband into taking a family portrait picture without me, apologized to him after saying they were wrong and then posted it in the church bulletin for all to see. I am simply tired of my hubs being broken hearted and mad that they have done that for so long.
This journey of learning to let them go over the past 1.5 years has been so therapeutic for our marriage and so necessary to eliminate the toxicity out of my sons life. I just miss having the idea of an extended family with someone other than my own. However, I must give huge shout outs to my family who have stepped up and been there for us in ways his family never have.
I just wanted to share and see if anyone out there has had these experiences? I hate wanting something I can't have and something I don't think his parents are capable of, which is being our family. Do I sound totally bitter and crazy?!
I am now going to stop venting and go do something to make myself smile, but I must say it felt good to get off my chest. I try to be as honest with you guys as possible and I want you to know my life is far from perfect even though I chose to focus on all of the positive most days. I promise that tomorrow I will be back to my old self and be chipper...but for today I wanted to be this..whatever this is....and I'm owning it. Thanks for being the best listeners ever...not one interruption...impressive. At least I have you amazingly awesome kids to keep me company. Have a great Monday and forgive my crazy tantrums...