Thursday, June 14, 2012


I've been spending most of my summer nights running through the quiet streets of our Northern California town, all while listening to Ellie Goulding's Lights. I tend to lose myself inside my own mind, feeling the wind shuffle me along the rocks and watching the sun disappear behind the hills. 

It feels like pure freedom.

I consistently daydream during this chunk of time. Lately, the thoughts keep coming back to the same thing, my desire to get back to what feeds me which is to write fictional stories. For a long time that has been my passion..ever since I was a little girl. But at some point in my life I found myself frozen in the haze of the fear. It encompassed me like an unfriendly & treacherous fog, spreading its feelings of self doubt all around me. I would start stories and not finish them on paper once they were finished in my head or stop relating to the characters half way through. I have been afraid of rejection and succumbed to the fact that most likely my words would  never be given the chance to leap off the pages and into someone else's head, so why even bother? It seems that it's truly hard to get your work published these days, which makes the goal of being an author feel unobtainable. 
I don't know why this seed of negativity was planted, because normally that's just not my style. But with all of these thoughts dominating my head space and pulsating around, the solution has been getting louder and louder and I am no longer able to ignore it. I figure it's time for me to conquer the fear and reach towards a new goal. And if I am being honest with myself, what better way to spend the last year of my 20's? 
However, bigger than all of these revelations, is the fact that I haven't felt this fire inside of me in a long time. And last night while putting on the same old, worn-out sneakers and tying up the loose hairs from around my face, I felt was the same spark I felt before deciding to start this blog. That was not only encouraging but comforting because it felt familiar. 
So here I go. A new story idea floating around in my head...pulling itself together, taking on its own form and feelings of vulnerability and using my hands and voice to tell it. I'm not sure what will come of it but no matter how it ends up I am just glad I get to share this process with all of you. 
Have any of you ever been afraid to do what you love or am I the only oddball? Please join me in the fight to keep reaching for different goals and to keep dreaming..



  1. I know exactly what it feels like!
    I thought I would share this, if you don't already read her blog, I suggest it.
    Emily from Chatting at the sky wrote a book and talks a lot about fear. She breaks it down in post after post of the most beautiful words. You will love it.
    Here is a link to one of her posts, but I dare you to stop at just one.

  2. Jessica thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I am loving this blog & I will be reading it, :.)

  3. It sounds like the perfect way to close out your 20's. It is a gift to have the desire for something specific. At 32 with a job that I like, but doesn't fulfill on a creative level and since I don't know what will, there is a hole there that I haven't figured out yet. So do it for yourself, and those of us who haven't figured it out yet:)

  4. This is such a beautiful post. I adore your articulation of recognizing the "spark" and its familiarity. I have been in such a funk and your words have inspired me to find my own spark again. Thank you. Please post teasers of your writing when you get some. I have no doubt it will be lovely. xx

  5. Thank you for writing this. I have recently been striving to work toward the one life goal as well. It sometimes seem that we are our biggest critics and that even the people we would hope would bring us up and encourage us seem to often be the ones to drag us down; but you keep trying! Don't let their doubt become yours. I believe that other doubt us because they know they could never be that grate themselves. So you prove them wrong! Prove yourself wrong! live after your dreams and never stop reaching! <3

  6. All of you are super sweet & make me feel like I can do it! I'll be happy to post teasers along the way ;.) I hope you all find what drives you in your hearts...hold onto it & don't let go. Thanks again for your sweet words! Much love xoxo.

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