Since the day my little Oliver was born I was instantly in love with his full cheeks, his long lashes, and his small dimpled hands. I remember how warm he felt the first time I held him.
Watching him sleep made my heart feel full and when I would kiss him I was reminded of the responsibility I now faced as a new parent.
Every night I would walk by his room and listen to him breathe & I would count his toes when they would peek out from his blanket. To this day, two years later, these are some of the most precious and special moments I have.
That is why every time I stop to think of the parents who are suffering from the loss of their child with the most recent events, my heart absolutely shatters into a million pieces and falls to the floor into a puddle of sorrow and disappointment. The world just seems so wrong and so off balance when we lose living angels.
I hesitated to talk about this on the blog which is why I am just now writing about it a week later. I know that many of you come to my blog for daily inspiration and perkiness and I understand this post is far from that. However, being truthful to myself and what I started this blog to be (which was my own online diary of sorts) I just had to let my feelings escape the whirlwind inside my brain. So I am sorry if this seems depressing or if you're tired of reading about it, but I just have to allow myself to feel this "lack of balance" as a way to pay tribute to the little souls who were lost so early. If I have taken away anything from all of this in the past week it is to be thankful for every little moment and just let your heart soak it all in. I feel this pays tribute to their memories so that they didn't die without leaving a lesson behind for the rest of us.
And as Christmas quickly approaches and I find myself wrapping presents, preparing for company, and making plans for baking Christmas cookies with my little man to leave out for Santa.... I am reminded of the parents who won't be watching little tiny feet scurry down the stairs. I would like to wish those parents my deepest sympathy and pray that their loss and the void they feel in their hearts will be filled on Christmas morning with the spirit and love of Christmas's past and the embrace of friends and family. You will be prayed for, remembered, and loved throughout every household across the country. Let's remember to pull together in this time of need and stop focusing on the "what if's" and remember to just spread some extra love around. This world can be a hard place to navigate. We have all been through tough things. Let's be there for each other when we need it to avoid spreading future pain.
I pray that this weekend finds you and your family embracing the season. Taking in the lights and sounds. Laughing and telling stories. Traveling safely to be with your families. And to smile a little more in remembrance for all of those who have left us this year.
Much love to all of y'all. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your day.