Tuesday, July 1, 2014

My Mama struggle these days: An open letter

Well it happened! I had a much-needed mama moment. It seems lately I'm trying so hard to stay on top of Oliver's scheduled activities and making sure he has clean clothes and his lunch packed for school, that I'm not experiencing those special little moments that are tucked away in the corners of each day. When I stayed at home full time, those moments were happening everyday. The kind of glimpses into who he is going to be and what kind of job I'm doing as a parent. The ones that bring such a sweet and simple joy to help you get through those napless afternoons and crazy tantrums over crayons and juice boxes. It seems that "those" moments have been harder to find lately. Our days are so planned out and by the time I have gone through the motions of being a full time working mama, I am in a complete exhaustion filled haze. The worst part is I hadn't even noticed how much I missed those daily reminders of what it is to be a mother, until now.


...But then it happened. I sat in the garden on the farm with my boy while getting ready for an event. I took a few extra minutes to show him the carrots, strawberries and edible flowers that were growing. The strawberries were so incredibly huge and smelled delicious when the wind would blow past. He stood there in his little overalls and boots so curious about everything around him. He asked me if we could pick a strawberry, so of course I did. I handed it to him, it was the size of a small clementine and sat past the confines of his palms. He stared at me like he didn't know what to do with it. I told him to taste it. I watched him take a bite with the sun shining through his hair. His eyes closed and the juice seeped out the corners of his mouth. He looked at me with a huge smile and said it was yummy. I tasted it as well, he was right. It tasted like candy. It was in this 15 seconds of exploring the idea of picking a strawberry and eating it that gave me that mama moment back. I may be busy, I may be doing the best I can to juggle it all and enjoy the journey along the way... but he's okay. I'm okay. We're eating fresh strawberries and playing on farms. We are soaking up the summer sun and exploring the world around us. It was a pretty fantastic feeling. I bottled that moment up immediately. I plan on remembering it each day when I am seeking more of those moments and I will continue to collect them. It's all gonna be okay...


18 comments:

  1. Don't be so hard on yourself my dear! I'm sure it's really hard adjusting to the change. You're doing an awesome job as a mama!

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  2. I remember those days of full time work and little ones - it will get easier, keep your chin up :)

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  3. Thanks you sweet gals! I needed that ;)

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  4. As someone who grew up with a working mom and who now is one with teenagers...it is going to be okay. He will be an independent person because you are one as well. Best thing to help you with that ever present mom guilt. PS That mom guilt is there no matter if you are with them 24/7 or not. Great post.

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